A day in the life of a fad diet

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to follow one of those crazy fad diets for a day? In the name of humour and April Fools Day our funny guest blogger Rebecca has shared a day in the life of a fad diet.

The following guest post is brought to us by local guest blogger Rebecca of the blogs Relish and Everything is ticketyboo!

I’m not one for fad diets, but their popularity had me wondering if there was something to ‘em. After all, we all know someone’s cousin’s neighbour’s manicurist who lost dozens of pounds (and, sadly, clients) on the cabbage soup diet.

I set out to research the most popular fad diets, but that seemed too obvious. No, what I wanted was something ground-breaking and, obviously, wildly effective. I wanted to find the next big thing. I passed over the Baby Food Diet (too many jars), the Tapeworm Diet (OMG! What?!?), and the Running Water Diet (I may still do this), I decided on The Chopstick Diet.

The Chopstick Diet is based on the idea that if you eat everything with chopsticks, you will eat more mindfully and, therefore, eat less. Or, at least have more time to question your choices. Armed with a shiny new pair of sustainable bamboo chopsticks, and some rudimentary handling skills, I spent a day seeing if it was the right plan for me.

Note: Having decided on this the night before starting it, I didn’t really have time to come up with “chopstick friendly” foods. Besides, that would be cheating, right?

7:30am – Breakfast

I sit down to a simple meal of fruit, cereal and coffee. I don’t know if it’s too early to be attempting chopsticks, but trying to eat melon is more challenging than I thought, and several pieces end up in my lap. I fish out all of the sliced strawberries and eat them first. The grapes just mocked me. Moving on to the cereal, I begin to wonder if I will finish my Cheerios before they get soggy. I discover that I can fit several onto the end of each chopstick and eat them that way for a while. I eventually get bored and drink the last of them with the milk.

9:00am – Surprise treat!

A co-worker passes around a box of Timbits, and in the interest of being gracious, I help myself to one. The world must be telling me something because I only make it halfway to my mouth before I drop it. I watch it hit the floor and roll between two filing cabinets. With the “five second rule” in mind, I quickly dive down to retrieve it with my handy-dandy chopsticks, but the one that comes out of the abyss is a completely different flavour than the one that went in. I toss it back and have a coffee instead.

10:15am – Midmorning snack

Thank goodness for finger foods. I am working on a deadline, so I eat a baggie of snap peas them while I type. I use my chopsticks to stir my third cup of coffee.

1:00pm – Lunch

In a lapse of judgement this morning, I packed a container of homemade mushroom soup. What was I thinking? After painstakingly fishing out all of the mushrooms, I use my chopsticks to hold back my hair and all but stick my face in the bowl. I leave my multi-grain crackers and yogurt in my lunch bag and go for a walk. I leave the chopsticks in my hair and congratulate myself on my avant-guard style. 15 minutes later, I catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and congratulate myself on my soup-moustache, as well.

3:30pm – Afternoon Snack

I forget all about my yogurt and make myself a skinny vanilla latte from the office Tassimo. I think I’ve had too much coffee today. I caught myself frantically pounding out a drum solo on my desk with my chopsticks. AND THERE WAS NO MUSIC PLAYING.

6:00pm – aka Wine o’clock

As I sip my Malbec, I peruse a glossy travel magazine, immediately rejecting any country that eschews forks.

7:00pm – Dinner

The kid and I sit down to a healthy dinner of grilled veggie “chicken”, mashed sweet potatoes, green beans, and salad. I am not a “section eater” by nature, but I start out with the salad, and then eat my green beans, before moving on to the chick’n. It’s mindful, yes, but my food is getting cold. By the time I get to the sweet potatoes, I am so over using my chopsticks that I stick them in a houseplant and eat my potatoes with my fingers, just like poi at a luau. My son, who finished his dinner 10 minutes after sitting down, is not there to witness it.

9:00pm – Bedtime Snack

In a moment of weakness, I promised to make s’mores for the boy. I use my (cleaned) chopsticks to roast the marshmallows over a blazing stove burner and nearly set fire to myself in the process. I decide that I am setting a very bad safety example for my son and eat the rest of the chocolate while I fan the smoke detector with a flyer.

12:01am – Second bedtime snack

I can’t sleep (Hello, four cups of coffee!), so I celebrate the fact that chopstick day is officially over by eating a small portion giant spoonful of fat-free yogurt (ok, FROZEN yogurt) right out of the container in front of the open freezer door. Ok, TWO giant spoonfuls.

The verdict: this one is not for me. While I can appreciate that entire nations make this their preferred method of convening food from plate to mouth, this girl needs something that requires slightly less time and concentration. I figure I can always use that time on sleep or drum lessons.

In the meantime, I guess I’m back to eating right and exercising.

What is the craziest fad diet you’re willing to admit you’ve tried?  Tell us below!

Happy April Fool’s Day!
Be Well…Rebecca

Looking for a chopstick friendly meal?  Why not try out Warm Rice Noodle and Tofu Salad with Toasted Pumpkin Seeds.  Full of flavour, this salad is a vegetarian’s paradise! Tofu makes this a salad that contains protein, yet still vegetarian friendly.

Guest blogger Rebecca in canola fieldRebecca is a Certified Spinning Instructor, fitness instructor, blogger (Relish and Everything is ticketyboo! ), artist, reluctant morning person, and notorious killer-of-plants. She lives in a foliage-free home with her teenage son, Jacob.

Comments are closed.